Work sucks!!!

My work is sucking so bad right now that I don’t enjoy going to work anymore.  I still love what I am doing but my assistant is the source of all my stress.

I’ve always thought I am a good leader, but work is making me re-think my skills.  I’ve always take the lead throughout school, all my jobs in college, and even was President of the sorority leading 18 girls.  I was also Pledge Mom for 1 semester teaching and guiding 8 new girls to become a part of our organization.  During this time, I’ve done loads of public speeches at formals and travel to our sister college campuses to make speeches.  Even within the U of H campus, I’ve attend other organization’s events and make speeches there.  I never thought in a million years that I have a communication problem!!! Seriously..are you kidding me??!!  Somehow I’ve been with at this place for 6 years and now suddenly has lost my communication skill.

It all started with me hiring this assistant from a great company.  My first clue of something not right is when he was let go from this company we worked with and contacted me to apply for a job.  However, his supervisor gave him a great reference and assured us there was nothing fishy about him being let go so I trusted it.  In hindsight I think the right questions was just not asked to him.  Since I didn’t do the reference call, I can’t tell what was asked nor said, just what was relayed to me.  My biggest regret is not listening to my instinct when I wasn’t happy with his performance after working with him at the other company.  I just dismissed as an isolated incident.

After messing up project after projects and counsel after counsel, I wanted to let him go after he majorly screw up a simple technical task.  This is a task even college students in our field knows how to do.  He claim that he failed at all these projects because of communications problem. Then somehow his incompetencies turn into faults of mine..my expectations of him is too high; I shouldn’t worry about the details if the web page looks okay (again..seriously??!!!!); that I nitpick too much in which I tried to explain I have to in my field. It doesn’t help when your boss doesn’t understand your line of work.

So if I lower my expectation and he screw up, is it going to be somehow my fault again because I didn’t supervise him?  If I don’t worry about the details of the page and the page has an error, wouldn’t I be the one who look bad?

This just bring back memory of growing up and being the middle child.  I could never be right in any situation.  I am just so frustrated and unsatisfy right now.  I don’t feel that I am being valued at work nor anyone appreciate my hard work.  I’ve been happy at this place until now and I don’t feel my boss support me nor stand up for me in front of upper management.  She’s a great friend but but maybe I’ve stayed at this place too long and it’s time to explore other options.