Anniversary Date

We were going to go to Vegas for our 10th anniversary and renew our vows in a cheesy wedding chapel. However seeing as how Ai-Vy and Ky-An still wakes up at night looking for us and would cry if it’s anyone else; we decide to postpone the trip.

We did rewrite our vows to one another and Hieu posted this funny note

We took the day off to celebrate instead. Hieu got me 2 bouquets instead of one because he said he liked both of them and can’t decide.

This one lasted about one day..so wasn’t worth the money.

We then headed down to the Blue Bell factory to tour the facility. Too bad we can’t bring any ice cream back as they would be tubs of liquid if we do.

There was a huge storm as we tried to drive to the vineyard for lunch so we had to pull to the side of the road and waited for about 20 minutes before we can be on our way.

We ordered a bottle of Messina Almond Champagne to celebrate with our lunch. Lunch did not taste great but it’s great to be at a vineyard and we really did enjoy the wine.

The vineyard:

We even met the winery owners Paul and Merrill Bonarrigo.

They signed a bottle of Reisling for us: “To Hieu & Chau, Happy Anniversary...”

Of course, what trip away from the kids without guilty gifts :)Wearing the hat we got from the our Blue Bell tour.

She loves the $36 (can you say guilt?) cow we got her from Blue Bell that sings her favorite song “Ole McDonald Had a Farm”.

My own princess:

Ky-An got an ice cream toy..because you know, they don’t have enough toys. He asked for the real one as we gave this to him.

With daddy:

Then the other kids want to get in on the picture with their pose.

Happy Birthday Sweet Lan-Vy!! You will always live in our hearts!!

This is the 5th anniversary of Lan Vy's death.I should have a 5 year old child who is starting school and have a whole new world to explore. Instead..she will forever be in my memory as a newborn baby.

Hieu decide to have a family day today so I was busy all day with the kids and this is the first time I had to reflect on my first-born daughter. For those who don't know the story, I've posted about it previously here and here. We had a nice day today, took the kids to the cementery to visit their older sister and their grandpa. The entire trip there we were busy breaking up fights on who gets to hold the birthday balloon we bought so that was fun. We then went to have a nice lunch. Ky-An asked for crab so we got him the dungeness one they had for $35! Yes we splurged but it's such a special day that I let it happen. (Our kids love seafood and Hieu said that will be an expensive taste). We then went home for them to take a nap and headed out to the Children's musem and then dinner.

While it was nice to have a family day, that's not what I wanted today. I think I'll take the day off and be by myself with my thoughts next year. I'd like to sit and look over her old things, read the old cards that people sent to us, re-live the moments we had with her, spend more time at the cementery, and have a good cry.

My biggest regret during her short life is not able to spend more time with her. There are many reasons why I couldn't, the first was that I wasn't physically strong enough after a traumatic surgery. Hieu had to cart me around in a wheelchair to visit her. Every bump on the road was painful, sitting in the car is sore, and even sitting in the wheelchair putting pressure on my cut caused pain. I didn't have the strength to be out long and didn't regain my strength until 4 months later. I literally couldn't walk down the hall without taking a break to rest. Because of my physcial limitation, it also force Hieu to be apart from her and I will have to forever live with that. These reasons could be valid but your emotions doesn't necessarily agree with your logic. Regrets will always be regrets.

Lan Vy was hooked up to wires and tubes so the best I could do was cradle my arms around her body. She's usually drowsy and tired because of all the drugs they had to give to her. I remember the last day I visited her, they had finally took the breathing tube out of her mouth. She started crying and it's the first time I've heard my baby cried since I gave birth to her. It's so beautiful like music to my ears, this little hoarse cry coming out of her. Hearing a newborn cry still gets me today. It's such a beautiful and miraculous sound that people don't appreciate enough. I started singing to her and she opened her eyes for a little to look at me. I think that's the moment we bonded.

The sadest memory for me is the first time I get to hold her is when I also the last. You just can't imagine that feeling..the joy of finally holding your baby in your arms, and the devastation of knowing it will be the last time. The fact that I couldn't hold her while she was alive eats at me. I still remember that feeling when they put her in my arms. I've been yearning to hold her for so long so I was happy when they handed her over. She looked so peaceful with no wires and no hoses in her...like she's peacefully asleep. She was finally free and I was relieved for her. Grief took over as I hand her to the doctors and a part of me went with her that day. The image of Hieu unable to let go of her little body will forever imprint in my mind. He wanted to stay there with her and I wanted to go home. I wanted get out of the hospital. I wanted to go home and be as far away from that place as I can...the place that I just watched my baby died at.

The reason I choose her birthday to remember instead of the day of her death is because I want it to be a happy memory. I want to celebrate the short life she had, not mourn her death.
Around her birthday every year, I start getting emotional. I can be fine and happy all year long but some how around May, I get really sad. I still miss her and I think about her throughout the year. Whenever I look at my kids, especially Ai-Vy, I see Lan Vy in them. Sadness washes over me with these thoughts. I silently thank her for bringing them to me and know that she will always watch over them to keep them safe.

Remembering Lan Vy reminds me how fragile life is and how your life can change in minutes. It make me realize how blessed I am just to live a healthy life. Think of all the obstacles that people took for granted just to be here today. When you are pregnant, your baby can have many birth defects or developing issues. Your baby is growing vital organs such as brain, heart, intestines, lungs, nervous system, spinal system, skeletal system, and many more. It's just amazing all the things that get developed during that short 9 months. If your baby is lucky enough to have all these intricate systems develop correctly, then he or she have to go through childbirth where it can lead to death of the baby and/or the mom, complications that leads to disabilities or death, and many number of things.

Once you held your baby in your arm, there is the infant death syndrome, suffication, vision problem, hearing problem, mobility problem, autisim, allergies, mental heath, cancer, and social development to worry about. There are also external risks such as car accidents, household accidents, plane crashes, drowning, fire, storms, guns, and bad influences. Every healthy child who grows into an adult is truly miraculous and I wish everyone would realize that.

Remembering Lan Vy helps me appreciate the two beings who I get to see and hold everyday. Remember Lan Vy reminds me to thankful as I watch them sleep peacefully next to me because that means they are safe and healthy. I am so grateful that they don't live in a country or environment where their lives are in danger. I am so blessed that my kids are their innocent selves and the biggest worry they have is who's going to get the toy. Rememebering Lan Vy enable me to make time for my family everyday and to show them how much I love them. This is how Lan Vy will live on. Through all the lessons that she taught me and through the two siblings she brought to me.

"Mommy loves you sweetheart. I can't wait until the day when I can see you and hold you in my arms again. There is always a place in my heart that is reserved for you and it will be empty until I see you again. This time when I get to hold you, I am not letting go."

Happy Anniversary!!!

This year is probably the first year that we didn't do much for our anniversary nor did we plan much ahead. I don't think it's a sign for what's to come but more of a temporary bump with our new family. Hieu did made the effort and tried to plan so we would celebrate our anniversary somewhat. I was too tired to even plan.

It's our 9th year of marriage and we plan to go to Vegas next year for our big tenth to renew our vows. I still remember every detail of our wedding like it was yesterday...

**9 years ago 7/31/1999 - A few weeks before the wedding, one of my bridesmaid's mom passed away. My family pressured me to not have her in the wedding in fear of the bad omen for my wedding. I refused to do so plus I was more concern about her well-being and whether or not she still wants to be in the wedding while grieving. She insisted that she still wants to be in the wedding and I kept a close eye on her. She did broke down once at the reception but otherwise seemed okay. Regrettably, we haven't spoken since after she moved out during my honeymoon.

A few days before the wedding, Hieu's mom came down to arrange all the flowers and make the wedding cake for us. She made all the bouquets, the corsages, the flowers for the ceremony as well as the reception. My poor mother-in-law looks exhausted at the wedding. If I were to do it over, we would've just have someone else take care of the flowers and the cake so she can enjoy the wedding.

The night before the wedding, I've revised the seating chart for 40 tables for the 10th time. Hieu's aunt told him at 11 p.m. that 11 more of his long-distance relatives will be coming. He called mewhile I was driving to my parents to prepare for our wedding day. Exhausted from all the events of the week and the long day of decorations and rehearsals, I broke down and cried. I told him I can't revise the seating chart anymore. Hieu got upset that I was upset and went out to the dining room to proclaim to his aunt that "THAT'S IT! NO ONE ELSE IS COMING. I DON'T CARE WHO THEY ARE!!!" Mayhem ensued after that because he has offended his aunt and all his relatives as well as embarrassed his mom. They all yelled at him for being disrespectful and how he can't talk to family like that. His mom threatened not to come to the wedding at all and I thought it was the end of the world.

I forgot a sign at the house so Hieu drove over at 3 in the morning the night before our wedding to give it to me. We held each other in the driveway and just cried. I finally got to sleep at about 3:30 with swollen eyes and woke up at 5 the next morning for hair and make-up.

I drove with my bridesmaids to go get hair and make-up done. The lady spent the most time on me that she didn't even have time to do everyone's hair and make-up. Christine just did her own make-up and hair but still looks stunning. I also remember that Jen's hair was cropped short and the head piece wouldn't stay on for her.


I got ready at my parent's house and waited for Hieu and his family to come for the ceremony. They were supposed to come promptly at 8 and I was so worry they decide not to come at all after the events last night. I can hear them downstairs at 8 and had butterfly in my stomach waiting for my mom to come and get me. This is all my bridesmaids and groomsmen in the traditional Vietnamese dress:


We rented 3 white Cadillacs instead of a limo and it was wonderful that way. Our groomsmen and bridesmaids are so awesome and took wonderful care of us. They knew Hieu and I didn't have anything to eat nor drink all morning so they made sure to have water and food in the car for us to nibble on the way to the church.
(The bridesmaids' dresses were rented.)


The sorority girls who came to the ceremony:


I had to keep counting the tiles of the mosaic in front of us in church to keep from falling asleep. The week was so hectic and Hieu just threw together the church program at the last minute so some of the pages have someone else's name on it. We left the church at about 3p.m. and head straight to the restaurant to decorate. My poor groomsmen and bridesmaid were exhausted and so was I. I actually laid my head on a table and took a little nap while Hieu lay on the floor.

We had to take a picture with each guest that arrived at the reception. Our jaws were so sore by the end of the night that we can't tell if we were smiling anymore.


At 6p.m. guests start arriving at the restaurant and my seating chart went to crap because there was no Vietnamese speaking people manning the sign-in table. All my bridesmaids are non-Vietnamese and my little sister was busy preparing for the dance they were doing for us for our entrance. The reception was still lots of fun for everyone. We had so many entertainers because I was heavily involved in the sorority and Hieu was involved in scouts. Everyone stayed until midnight when the restaurant closed and we received so many compliments about how much fun they had. My sisters did a dance before we made our entrance into the reception hall, then the sorority girls did a song, the scout girls did a dance, my little sister sang, my father-in-law did a magic show, I sang a song to my parents, Hieu and his best men sang "So in Love" to serenade me, and the DJ sang a song to serenade my other sister who was co-hosting with him. Lots of fun all around.

Here's my "cutting cake" and "first dance" dress (ahhhh youth!) :


I like this portrait:


** 7/31/2008 - Back to this year's anniversary, Hieu got us a reservation at a nice Italian restaurant for lunch. He also got me a sweet card as well as flowers. He then got me a nice set of knives I wanted as my present. I did have to give him 1 cent as payment when he gave me the knives because in Vietnamese superstition, you can't give knives, pictures, nor perfume in a relationship. Knives are believed to cut your relationship. Pictures will cause you to separate because you only need to look at your love one's pictures when you are far away. Perfume will cause your mate to stray because only when you go out on dates do you use it.




Being a wonderful wife that I am..I got him NOTHING! Fortunately I have such a wonderful husband that he totally understands.

I love you sweetheart. Here's to better years ahead.

Happy Anniversary!!!!

Today is our 8th year anniversary. Hieu went out with Ky-An and bought me a beautiful bouqet of roses the day before. He went home and arrange them himself in one of our vases. He really does a better job than some store bought one. I've always yell at him before for going out to buy a whole arrangement of flowers including the vase. First off, they really don't look as good as his arrangement and the flowers are not as fresh. Second, we really have no space for these vases because we accumulated so many of them. We have a whole cabinet full of vases that he bought! I just don't see why we should spend extra money on some vase that we are going to end up putting in the recycling bin.

Back to the topic, Hieu also got me this great table where I can put my laptop and a drink on. We put away our glass coffee table since Ky-An was mobile and I have been complaining about how the laptop gets so hot on my lap. In addition, it's not comfortable having it on my lap or my stomach. This table will be useful when I have to lay in bed for a month after delivery also. I got him a flash battery that he wanted from Amazon and some other stuff for later. *wink wink*.

We went to this restaurant call Nellore. It's just like Fogo de Chao but the atmosphere is calmer and less noisy. I didn't like the food much though, I prefer Fogo de Chao with their variety and taste. I also didn't like the fact that our waiter stood on the side the entire meal to wait on us. Some people may like that kind of service but I wasn't comfortable. I feel like he's eavesdropping on our conversation and I have to eat carefully because he's watching us the whole time. I am so not a high-society kinda gal..hehe.

I can't believe we've been married for 8 years..wow! I promise Hieu we'll do something special for our 10 year in 2009. Maybe take a trip or something. The kids will be a little older then but I still don't know if we'll be able to leave them to go on this trip. I met Hieu my sophomore year of college, when I was about 18. It was during the winter time and berets were in fashion then. He took one look at me in Psychology class and was smitten :P. He found a mutual friend and asked her for my number. She called me later on to ask if she can give my number away. I said no, I wasn't interested. Thank goodness she ignored me and gave him my number anyway. He called me later on that night and we chat. I was at an age where I am only interested in bad boys type and Hieu was such a "good boy". Luckily I got smart and realize what a great guy he is. We moved in together when I was 19 (shhhhh never tell my family) and got engaged when I was 21. I was planning a wedding and trying to graduate at the same time that year. (I think I crave stress in my life or something. I seem to have a lot of those stressful, hectic time in my life. )

Happy Anniversary babe. Here's to 92 more years!!!