It's all coming back to me...

I am starting to have anxiety about my upcoming appointment with the OB. All the memories of Ky-An's pregnancy are flushing back: the anxiety and worry we felt whenever an appointment nears; wondering if everything will be okay or if she will find something wrong this time; whether our little baby is still healthy and growing strong or if we've lost him/her already. During my first trimester, my biggest worry is miscarriage or the OB not able to find the heartbeat. The second trimester is when I really worry about the baby's development and whether if there will be any markers that may cause alarm. The third trimester my biggest source of anxiety is cord wrap around the baby's neck, premature birth, and stillborn. Even with a good appointment, I feel a sense of relief just during the visit and then the anxiety comes right back for the next appointment. I know most moms worry about these same things but I think I've encompass everyone's worry all into me. If there is something that could be wrong with your baby out there, I worry about it.

Even during birth I am anxious because I worry whether my baby will come out healthy like the ultrasounds indicate or whether he/she'll be breathing and crying. I literally hold my breath until I hear Ky-An's first cry. After I bring the baby home I worry about SIDS and suffocation for the next 6 months. I would jump out of bed to check on Ky-An for every little sound or whimpers he made. I think I still wake up about 5-6 times a night today and he sleeps with us.

Even when I was pregnant with Ky-An, I told Hieu I am not looking forward to the next time I am pregnant due to all this stress and worry. I try to enjoy my pregnancy but it's honestly my worst stress time throughout the entire process. Oh well, only 1 and a 1/2 more week until my appointment. At least I have a "worry break" after each appointment..hehe.