I feel like such a bad mom to Ky-An. He's been spending a lot of time at the babysitter's lately because Ai-Vy has been fussy and keep me up most of the night so I am too tired to watch him. This morning I was putting Ai-Vy back to sleep in the closet when he woke up. I heard him chatting with Hieu through the monitor. My heart ache to be with him and snuggle with him because morning wake-ups are the best time with Ky-An. After I put Ai-Vy to sleep, I was tired and fell asleep also. I wanted to get up and play with him for a bit before he has to go to the babysitter's but that didn't happen. I only saw him for a milisecond this morning when Hieu brought him into the room so I can kiss him goodbye. Now I won't see him until this evening when Hieu pick him up...that is if Ai-Vy is not fussy and needs my attention.
Then last night he was stirring and scoot up to snuggle next to me. That's a great sign that he's warming up to me again and I love to hold him. However, Ai-Vy started stirring so I had to turn my back on him to tend to her. She settled down so I turn back to hold him. He was calm and almost back to sleep when she starts stirring again. (It's like she knows!) This happen about 4-5 times and he laid there patiently until I can get back to him again. Whenever I was holding him and hear Ai-Vy stirring, I just pray that she'll go back to sleep but that didn't work because she starts crying. I had to wake up Hieu to tend to Ky-An while I take Ai-Vy to the closet to feed her. I can still hear him stirring in the monitor and have a feeling he was waiting for me. I finished feeding Ai-Vy and put her down on the co-sleeper. I climb into bed and reach for him but he give me the "Nooooo" like he usually does. I think he's mad at me so I let it be. He was cuddling with Hieu but keep on moving around so I know he wants to be close to me to fall asleep but is still mad so I waited. Finally he was so tired, he moved over and snuggle up under my arms to go to sleep. My poor sweet boy..I hope I can be a better mom to him soon!
2 comments:
It's very hard with a new baby. I know you feel guilty that you can't be the Mom to Ky-An that you want to be. But it is good that Ky-An knows he has to share now, it teaches a good lesson I think.Also bonds with Daddy more, and that is a good thing.
Kai-Li also bonded more with Baba when I had Bailey.
I know it's hard. It is impossible to be super mom, but that doesn't mean we stop trying. Dh always says I make my life more complicated than it needs to be. I think he's right, but I always tell him to be quiet!
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