We tried..and we failed

I thought we were doing well preventing Ai-Vy from getting sick, especially with Ky-An getting better and she showed no signs. Unfortunately I was wrong. She started throwing up at 7 p.m. tonight and hasn't stop since. She threw up another 5 times and it's now only 10:30. It's so sad when I put her down to sleep and her mouth keep on opening looking for her bottle of milk. The poor thing is probably wondering why we won't give her the bottle tonight. I got so sad thinking how much she's going to suffer the next few days and how much work it's going to be to care for her that emotions overwhelmed me and I started to cry. I thought about how she depends on her bottles before naptime and now she can't even have them. She's not going to be able to sleep and I am not sure how to sneak water in her like we do with Ky-An. I hate the image of her laying exhausted and almost lifeless like how Ky-An has been. Ky-An can at least communicate with us but she won't be able to say anything at all. I get so sad thinking about all that.

Whenever the kids get really sick like this, all the images of what we went through with Lan Vy come spilling back to me. Because of these images, I end up scaring myself even more about their illness. I thought about what I would do if another child is taking away from me and I honestly don't think I am emotionally sound to handle it. Times like these remind me of all the trivial things that I took for granted such as them asking for their milk, eating and refusing to eat, their laughs, their playfulness, and their tantrums. At least with all these things they have the energy to do so and not lay there exhausted. I just pray and hope that the kids will be better soon.